Paint the Sky
by SuomenNeito
Summary: Human AU. DenFin. Denmark/Finland. A year after his lover's death, Mathias is finally starting to become his old self again. Everything was looking up for him until he saw the train wreck he used to be reflected back at him in the face of another person


Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

Okay. So I'm sorry for the long wait on Primrose. Not only did I lose the notebook I had the outline in, but college also bitch slapped me into next semester. Anyway I found my notebook and I'll have a bit of free time later in the week so I will update then. However I had a dream last night and when I woke up I thought up this. I needed to get it down. If it sounds awkward, forgive me. It hits close to home so it's hard to write but I had to write it. Also I decided to do this in first person. I'm new to it, so I'm not sure how well it will sound. Tell me if you like it this way or if I should rewrite in third person! Thank you!

The title come from the quote: "Life is beautiful. Life is short. Live every day as if it were your last. No regrets. Paint the sky your favorite color."

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><p><em>Prologue<em>

It has been a year now since I last visited the cemetery. It was early in the morning, especially for me. The grass was still shining from the morning dew. I like to think Lukas would find it beautiful. He always kept how he really felt about things from me, but I could tell if he was enjoying himself by the subtle twitch of his lips and the way he would subconsciously twine his fingers with mine.

I didn't sleep last night, knowing what I was going to do today. I only came because it would make Emil happy. That was why I started seeing a therapist, too. There was only one person Lukas loved as much as me, and that was Emil. Lukas would come back from the dead and kill me if I didn't take care of him. I snorted at the thought. If anyone could find a way to do that, it would be Lukas.

I stopped in front of his headstone and stared at it for a while. I wasn't really sure what I was expected to do. I had been reluctant to come because I felt that I would feel as terrible as the first time I was here; during the funeral. Now that I was here, it felt silly. I didn't drop to me knees or cry or shout like I had done before. In fact, I didn't feel that way at all until I tried to speak and my voice cracked.

I shook my head. Lukas would call me a child if I started crying. I told myself I wouldn't.

"Hey Luk." I started, placing the flowers I had bought for him in the little stone vase that sat on the base of the headstone. "Sorry I haven't come by. It wasn't out of laziness though, I swear! Look at how early I'm up!" I laughed, looking at my feet. I wasn't sure whether to be sorry or grateful that he couldn't answer. He would have called me an idiot. "Emil's good. He graduated. He has his own job and got his own place. I guess he was tired of having my sulking drunk ass around all the time. I'm working on that though, Luk. I know you hated how I acted when I started drinking. I want Emil to have someone to help him so I need to help myself first… Shit, I'm starting to repeat the things my damn therapist tells me."

I sighed and sat down in front of the headstone. "I miss you Lukas." I was surprised how quickly the tears started to form again. They rolled down my cheek before I could stop them, but I decided that was okay so long as it was only Lukas around to see them. "I'm an idiot, but I'm _your_ idiot. I can't believe that I ever thought it was annoying when you would tell me to stop doing something stupid." I let out a breath of air that somehow turned into a bitter laugh.

I went quiet for a time, just listening to the nature around me. Sometimes Lukas and I would go for walks on the path into the forest behind our old house and he would forbid me from talking. I never understood why he liked it so much until now. The birds went on chirping and singing despite the ache in my chest. A light breeze ran through the leaves, some fluttering to the ground. It was almost as if nature was telling me that the world continues to spin even though I feel like it's frozen in place.

Or something. I've never been good at that philosophical shit.

I brought my eyes back to the headstone and traced his name with my finger. "I hope you're happy where you are, Luk. If there is anyone out there deserving of Heaven, it's you." I stood up, not sure of what else to say. There wasn't anything I had left to speak that wasn't selfishness. I didn't want to put it on Lukas whether he heard it or not. I turned to walk away but something kept me from going, a nagging at my chest. I turned back to look at his grave. "I still—" No, that wasn't good enough. I hadn't been here for a year and Lukas sure as hell deserved more than that. "I'll always love you, Lukas. I'll never forget the time we spent together and the things we've shared. I'll try my best to be a better person for you and for Emil, but for me too. I'm sorry I didn't fix everything while you were still here, but when we meet again I'll be ready."

When I left the cemetery I felt different than when I had first arrived. I wasn't depressed and I didn't feel the urge to go to the nearest bar and forget I had even gone to visit Lukas. I felt like crying, but out of relief rather than anguish. I like to think that feeling was from Lukas, that he was happy for me.

I got in my car but my hand went to my cell and started flipping through the contacts before I could even think to start it.

**To**: Emi

_I don't care if you're not up yet! We're gettin' breakfast! Be ready by the time I get to your place or you're going with me naked. ;DDD_

I found myself smiling as I pulled out of the cemetery. I wasn't leaving Lukas, he was coming with me. I wasn't sure whether it was to prove my own point or just because I hadn't done it in a long time; but I cranked the volume up on my radio and sang as loudly and out of tune as I could. Lukas would call me a loud idiot and tell me how much he hated my singing, but the corner of his mouth would twitch and he would twine his fingers with mine.

I know I love him and that I always will. He may not be with me physically, but his memory and his love are always there. I know it will still hurt like hell. That's okay. Lukas wouldn't want to see me fall apart. I don't want to fall apart. I couldn't stand the thought of Emil being alone because I couldn't be there for him. That was all going to change starting now.

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><p>Okay so there's the prologue. I almost feel like this could be a one-shot. Please tell me what you think! I haven't really written anything like that before. I don't write Mathias, angst, or first person. I will take constructive criticism and appreciate it, but being an ass about it is just rude. It's my first shot at three different things, okay? xD I'm also not sure whether I should just keep Mathias' POV or if I should switch back and forth between Mathias and Tino. Share your opinions with me, I do think about them! :D I also love you all. Okay. Please review!<p> 


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